Tension

Tension. 

Tension. I'm in the tension.

Don't run from the tension. Embrace it.

These simple phrases have been echoing in my spirit over the last 3 weeks. Although I have been feeling the pressure and the pullings of the tension for longer. 

3 weeks ago, I found myself walking into a situation that I was totally marked by. The evening before, we had received word that friends of ours who we have lived much life with were going into the hospital to deliver their baby. In what should have been a joyous occasion, the text that came, also came with the furious warning to pray because the baby's heartbeat wasn't found.

My husband and I found ourselves up much of the night in prayer, clinging to the hope of good news. As the wee hours of the morning rolled around, we received the news that the baby had indeed passed in the womb. 

As in all traumatic situations, it hits hard. Not just the family, but those that know the family. Situations like that aren't supposed to happen. There is something inside that struggles with it ... not just because of the pain, but also the robbing of the life. It's just not the way the Lord intended.

The next day, I reached out to take them lunch to the hospital. As I walked into the hotel room, mom and dad greeted me with hugs and said, "We are so glad that you are here. We wanted you to meet her before they funeral director comes for her." 

I was fully prepared to love on them as they were hurting, but I didn't know that the Lord had encouraged me to go and walk with them as they said their final goodbye's. As I held their beautiful daughter, I heard the Lord clear as a bell ask me if I would pray for her. I immediately knew what He was referring to.

Several years before, I had been around a situation where someone was taken from this earth prematurely and I knew it. I had felt the unction to pray that they be resurrected, but I didn't. It wasn't that I didn't think that He could do it, or even that He wanted to. I didn't because I was afraid. I was afraid of getting an already grieving families hopes up. I was afraid of doing it wrong. I was afraid of not receiving their blessing. But it just gets down to one thing, my fear. As I drove home with the weight of the conviction of my disobedience on my shoulders, I repented and promised the Lord that if I was ever in that situation again that I would respond in faith.

So here I was, just 3 weeks ago, in the same situation, holding this sweet girl. And I hear the remembrance of the Lord. I again felt the same fear. When you see people in intense grief, the last thing you want is to offend their grief. But I responded differently. I asked them if they would give me the honor of praying for resurrection life to return to her one more time before they said goodbye. Their response of "heck yes" floored me. Their willingness to keep pursuing hope was beautiful. 

I held Seleh, and declared life to enter her body. I was with a family of believers that also embraces the supernatural heart and actions of God. I was not praying anything that they had not been standing for and declaring. But in that moment,  I felt deep grief, sadness, and yet hope that Christ would do what He does. That He would do here what I have heard testimonies of Him doing all over the world. I felt faith rise up in me at the same that I was trying to steward the moment ... aware of the deep pain.

As I handed her back to her momma, I heard the Lord say. I am in the tension. 

I truly do not believe that I can adequately put into words the incredible tension that I felt in that moment. It was the tension of standing between life and death. It was the tension of hope and grief. It was the tension of obedience and offense. Tension.

For the many days since, I have been just sitting on this word. Tension. I'm hearing it rumbling in my spirit in many different situations. Tension.

And now that my spirit is aware of it, I am seeing it everywhere.

• The tension of a promise and yet the fulfillment is delayed.
• The tension of being sad that a friend is moving, and yet excited for their next steps. And the flip/flop. The sadness of leaving home, but ready for a new adventure.
• The tension of changing seasons. Not quite finished with one, but beginning in a new.
• The tension of the unknown. Feeling the pull of multiple possibilities.
• The tension of an offense and forgiveness.
• The tension of waiting, knowing that Jesus will show up for you.

And the beauty of tension is in not running from it. Jesus lived in tension. Fully God and yet fully man. Sinless but yet punished. The Desire of the Nations but rejected. 

The Alpha and the Omega. Full of mercy but the Great Judge. The Truth and the Spirit. The Lion and the Lamb. Ps 89 even tells us that His throne is built upon a tension .... righteousness and justice.

For several years, I have been hearing it's not either/or ... but both/and. But this was the first time I truly felt the tension of the both/and. 

And yet right in the middle of the tension. He was and is ever-present. 

In physics, the definition of tension force is the force that is transmitted through a string, rope, cable or wire when it is pulled tight by forces acting from opposite ends. The tension force is directed along the length of the wire and pulls equally on the objects on the opposite ends of the wire.

In layman's terms, the force is equal on both sides. That means to embrace tension, we have to embrace the dualities. We have to embrace the faith and the grief. The hope and the pain. The joy and the sadness. And it's interesting to note that the law of tension is necessary to understand Newton's Law of Motion.

So hang with me here. I"m not going to go too geeky on you. I just want to pull a parallel. 

Tension is necessary for movement. And for the music to come. It's the tension on a guitar string that makes the sound beautiful.

Do you need movement? Have you been feeling stuck? Are you feeling the pulls in opposite directions? Do you need a song to arise?

Embrace the tension. Because movement and beauty is created out of tension.