Beautiful Time

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It is my heartbeat. I love functioning in time. I like being at the right place at the right time. I like knowing what God is doing at this point in time. I like knowing what he did in other times. I like knowing what He wants to do at future times. It is something I think about without thinking about it. It just happens.

I hate being early, and I hate being late. I want to arrive right on time. Deadlines drive me and procrastination frustrates me. Because timing is critical.

Right now we are auditing Paul's business so he can make better use of his time, so I decided I would do the same. Even though time is a value, staying at home with kids can get me offtrack with my larger goals in life. I want to function in timing there.

I don't want to require more of myself in this time than I am capable of. That has a tendency to breed shame. But I don't want this season to be unproductive and without vision. That breeds complacency. I want my world to function in perfect timing.

In the Bible, God says that He makes everything beautiful in His time. I want my life to be beautiful. I want the things that I touch to be glorious. I want creativity and innovation to be in my thoughts and in what I produce. And when I think about this verse, I don't think about how God's timing might not be mine....(although it might not), I think about how when we partner with His timing, everything is beautiful.

So to audit my life, I am going to look at the dreams and desires that don't feel beautiful. I don't mean the ones that aren't complete, because even uncompleted in-progress dreams are beautiful. I mean the ones that when I think about, I don't feel hope, life, or even smile. I want those dreams to be at peace and in timing.

So Jesus come. And make all of my things beautiful. In your time.

Dependency

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What does it mean to actually live a life that is free?

I have been following Jesus seriously for 12 1/2 years, and as many encounters as I have had, and as much freedom as I have found, I have realized that the hope and promises of the Bible many times seem close enough to touch, but not actualized.

In the past couple of weeks, I feel that the Lord has brought me to a new place of dependency. I place where he is showing me why his goodness has only been tasted, not consumed. My journey over the past few years has had me dig at the roots of my actions and beliefs. It has been enlightening, and even helpful. But the revelation of dependency wasn't a part of the equation. Oh, sure, I've heard the cliche's and even spoken them about being dependent on the Lord. But somehow, I would confess, find a solution, and then use it to try to administer my freedom.

The beauty of this life with Christ is that we don't have to clean ourselves up. When we recognize something that needs to change, all we have to do is confess our weakness, and He really does come.

I am engaging on a different kind of walk with Him. It feels raw, and even familiar. As if I have touched this place many times before. But for some reason, setting up my habitation here hasn't happened.

But....now. I. Have.